(Rosemary Michaels continued from Nobody Wants This)
Rosemary untied her mud and blood spattered sneakers, giving each shoe a shake as pebbles, dirt clods, and other debris from the woodlands the group had been trekking in fell to the floor. Not knowing which direction to head and only wanting to escape from the town, none of them knew the right path to escape the tree-enshrouded part of the island until they came across two buildings made out of worn red brick. It was a school, or had been when the island was populated.
They decided to go into the high school branch. It wasn't nearly as big as Aurora, but even in decay it still had the look of a school.
Too tired to check all the classrooms, they decided to take shifts. She had offered to take the first watch. She was by a worn desk closest to the window, which let in a little bit of moonlight. It gave her just enough to inspect her hoodie. It wasn't good. If they had met anyone on their way here they would've immediately realized she had killed with the red splats on the front of it and the cuffs a dirty rust color from her fingers rubbing into the fabric. She wanted to throw it away, but it was so cold. She hadn't brought any other jackets or sweatshirts besides that one. Even if it was disgusting it would keep her warm.
Putting the article of clothing back after trying to rub some of the blood off in vain, Rosemary took time to focus on her hands. They were dirty, her hands still pink from her attempt to scrub the blood from her hands and the filth from under her nails, which were worn or had hangnails.
Will my hands ever be clean again? She thought, then shook her head for being so dramatic. She grabbed one of the bottles of water she had and put a little bit into her palms before rubbing them together.
But doing this won't make them clean, not after Joey-
All the vibrant and visceral details of that morning came back in full force, the remaining droplets of water falling off her shaking hands. Joey was dead, and it was all her fault.
She bit her lip, but the lump in her throat returned as she shook in the moonlight.
Tender is The Night
Aftermath of Nobody Wants This
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MrMissMrs Random†
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Tender is The Night
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watcher in night†
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((Meera Stele continued from Nobody Wants This))
Meera couldn't sleep.
She'd tried, but every time she thought she'd be able to relax the thoughts of everything that had happened today just came back to haunt her. It was still fairly early, but she'd already given up on the idea that she would rest easily tonight. She resolved to just wait up until Rosemary's watch was over and then take watch. It was best for her to have something to do, otherwise her thoughts turned dark as the night around her.
Even still, she was more than a little apprehensive. What was the plan now? Did they still even have one?
More than anything, the idea of wandering around aimlessly on the island, with no plan, terrified her.
But what more could they do? Their escape attempt had failed hopelessly. There was no other way for them to get off this island, unless one of them outlived every other one of their classmates. And if they just tried to wait this game out, they'd never survive. The rules of the game even said you had to kill at least once to win, otherwise you weren't going home.
So they'd already probably lost. But Meera didn't want to accept that. She didn't want to give up. Giving up wasn't something she'd ever consider, no matter the circumstances, no matter what it took. Even if she couldn't survive, she should at least try.
She walked over to Rosemary, who was rinsing her hands with water. Meera could see her own distraught expression mirrored on the other girl's face, and knew she was clearly recalling today's events as well.
"Hey, you...okay?" Meera asked. It was a stupid question, but she had to know what state of mind Rosemary was currently in.
Meera couldn't sleep.
She'd tried, but every time she thought she'd be able to relax the thoughts of everything that had happened today just came back to haunt her. It was still fairly early, but she'd already given up on the idea that she would rest easily tonight. She resolved to just wait up until Rosemary's watch was over and then take watch. It was best for her to have something to do, otherwise her thoughts turned dark as the night around her.
Even still, she was more than a little apprehensive. What was the plan now? Did they still even have one?
More than anything, the idea of wandering around aimlessly on the island, with no plan, terrified her.
But what more could they do? Their escape attempt had failed hopelessly. There was no other way for them to get off this island, unless one of them outlived every other one of their classmates. And if they just tried to wait this game out, they'd never survive. The rules of the game even said you had to kill at least once to win, otherwise you weren't going home.
So they'd already probably lost. But Meera didn't want to accept that. She didn't want to give up. Giving up wasn't something she'd ever consider, no matter the circumstances, no matter what it took. Even if she couldn't survive, she should at least try.
She walked over to Rosemary, who was rinsing her hands with water. Meera could see her own distraught expression mirrored on the other girl's face, and knew she was clearly recalling today's events as well.
"Hey, you...okay?" Meera asked. It was a stupid question, but she had to know what state of mind Rosemary was currently in.
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MrMissMrs Random†
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Rosemary shifted her gaze back up to look at Meera. She was probably just asking out of common courtesy or to diffuse how unbelievably horrible Rosemary looked right then. It would be expected for her to answer back that she was fine, no need to worry. Then she would give a light scolding about her being awake when she should be resting and then Meera would go back to bed and- and then Rosemary would be left alone again with her thoughts. There wasn't anymore traveling or scrubbing to get her mind off the horrible truth of the situation.
The world was breaking, why did she have to abide anymore by the rules of courtesy anyway?
"Uh, no." Rosemary let out as a raspy laugh that morphed into a hiccup. She brought her fist to her mouth and swallowed before continuing to talk.
"You?" She asked, hoping that the conversation could go further. Anything that could help keep the thoughts away.
The world was breaking, why did she have to abide anymore by the rules of courtesy anyway?
"Uh, no." Rosemary let out as a raspy laugh that morphed into a hiccup. She brought her fist to her mouth and swallowed before continuing to talk.
"You?" She asked, hoping that the conversation could go further. Anything that could help keep the thoughts away.
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watcher in night†
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"Same as you," said Meera. She saw no reason not to be honest here, no reason to hide the fact this entire situation was not okay. "Stupid of me to ask that, really."
For a few minutes Meera wondered if she should just leave Rosemary alone, and go back to trying to sleep. But she decided to just accept she was staying up until it was her turn on watch. May as well pass the time talking. It was definitely better than thinking. So she sat down next to Rosemary, and for a while just stared out into the darkness all around them.
No sound, no sign of anyone else, nothing. Perfectly still.
"I just- I don't know what we're supposed to do," said Meera. "We had a plan, and now..."
She let her voice trail off. There really was no easy way she could put into words what had happened.
For a few minutes Meera wondered if she should just leave Rosemary alone, and go back to trying to sleep. But she decided to just accept she was staying up until it was her turn on watch. May as well pass the time talking. It was definitely better than thinking. So she sat down next to Rosemary, and for a while just stared out into the darkness all around them.
No sound, no sign of anyone else, nothing. Perfectly still.
"I just- I don't know what we're supposed to do," said Meera. "We had a plan, and now..."
She let her voice trail off. There really was no easy way she could put into words what had happened.
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MrMissMrs Random†
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Rosemary had an idea on what Meera meant as she trailed off. Without the collars they had no sense of direction; no idea where to go or who to try and find, if they should at all. Was their only choice to sit on their hands as the end came?
No, stop that. Don't think like that when it won't do us any good. She thought. Their- her plan (she was the one who first suggested they go look for bodies in the first place) was one big... fuck up. That would be an apt way to describe it, even with the coarse language it explained it perfectly. Rosemary never thought she would ever "fuck up" in her life, with it being so ordinary until the kidnapping and shooting teachers heads off. But now she had in the worst possible way and she had to deal with the consequences.
"And now we have to come up with another plan," Rosemary replied. "It's better than just... wandering like this."
But what could they do?
"DON'T WORRY! FIND ANOTHER WAY!"
"..." Rosemary looked over at Paulo's body at the other side of the room. Paulo Abbate... he had a sister, didn't he? Rosemary remembered vaguely that she was on the softball team. He probably wanted to find her. Big brothers were like that, weren't they? Wanting to keep the younger ones safe.
"...Maybe we can ask what Paulo wants to do, in the morning I mean." She looked back at Meera, trying to give the girl an encouraging smile. Meera had been pulling her along all day, and Rosemary had to repay her how she could.
"We-we can't give up."
No, stop that. Don't think like that when it won't do us any good. She thought. Their- her plan (she was the one who first suggested they go look for bodies in the first place) was one big... fuck up. That would be an apt way to describe it, even with the coarse language it explained it perfectly. Rosemary never thought she would ever "fuck up" in her life, with it being so ordinary until the kidnapping and shooting teachers heads off. But now she had in the worst possible way and she had to deal with the consequences.
"And now we have to come up with another plan," Rosemary replied. "It's better than just... wandering like this."
But what could they do?
"DON'T WORRY! FIND ANOTHER WAY!"
"..." Rosemary looked over at Paulo's body at the other side of the room. Paulo Abbate... he had a sister, didn't he? Rosemary remembered vaguely that she was on the softball team. He probably wanted to find her. Big brothers were like that, weren't they? Wanting to keep the younger ones safe.
"...Maybe we can ask what Paulo wants to do, in the morning I mean." She looked back at Meera, trying to give the girl an encouraging smile. Meera had been pulling her along all day, and Rosemary had to repay her how she could.
"We-we can't give up."
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watcher in night†
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"I'm not suggesting we give up," said Meera. "No matter what, that's not an option for me."
Rosemary had suggested they wait for morning, when Paulo woke up. It probably was best for them to wait until then, and not attempt to make plans while tired. But Meera didn't think she'd feel any better tomorrow about making choices. Even if, logically, there was nothing she could do right now about any of this, it was incredibly frustrating to feel so powerless.
Meera thought back to her angered declaration to the camera, that she would survive this somehow no matter what she had to do. She still meant it. One way or another, she was going to try as hard as she could to get out of this game. That had to be her focus, anything else would just throw her into another spiral of doubt.
She thought about leaving again. Going back to bed, to try to sleep. But something stayed her. She had to ask this, at least. Had to know just how committed Rosemary was to their survival.
Had to know if she herself was prepared to go too far.
"How far can we go, though?" Meera asked, her voice quieter now. "How far are you willing to go to stay alive?"
Rosemary had suggested they wait for morning, when Paulo woke up. It probably was best for them to wait until then, and not attempt to make plans while tired. But Meera didn't think she'd feel any better tomorrow about making choices. Even if, logically, there was nothing she could do right now about any of this, it was incredibly frustrating to feel so powerless.
Meera thought back to her angered declaration to the camera, that she would survive this somehow no matter what she had to do. She still meant it. One way or another, she was going to try as hard as she could to get out of this game. That had to be her focus, anything else would just throw her into another spiral of doubt.
She thought about leaving again. Going back to bed, to try to sleep. But something stayed her. She had to ask this, at least. Had to know just how committed Rosemary was to their survival.
Had to know if she herself was prepared to go too far.
"How far can we go, though?" Meera asked, her voice quieter now. "How far are you willing to go to stay alive?"
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MrMissMrs Random†
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"Me?" She hadn't been asked that question point blank before. Kat had hinted at it, but that was back on day one. Things were very different than they had been back then.
She looked outside the window as she thought about it. Ryan was dead. He had died a long time ago and their family was still hurting from what happened. Thinking about them having to deal with something like it again caused Rosemary so much guilt she could hardly stand it.
"The thing is... I'm really, really not allowed to die." Rosemary said with startling conviction in her voice. "That probably sounds childish or even insane, but that's how I think about it. I can't let myself be killed here. I guess that means I'm going to do everything I can to get out of here alive."
She looked back at Meera. "But then again, everyone is going to have the same sentiment up at this point. We're all trying to live for something, some reason to keep going even if all we want to do is curl up into a ball and cry. It's whether we're living for ourselves or for someone else."
"Right now, I'm living for someone else, and I think that's a stronger incentive than just for yourself."
She looked outside the window as she thought about it. Ryan was dead. He had died a long time ago and their family was still hurting from what happened. Thinking about them having to deal with something like it again caused Rosemary so much guilt she could hardly stand it.
"The thing is... I'm really, really not allowed to die." Rosemary said with startling conviction in her voice. "That probably sounds childish or even insane, but that's how I think about it. I can't let myself be killed here. I guess that means I'm going to do everything I can to get out of here alive."
She looked back at Meera. "But then again, everyone is going to have the same sentiment up at this point. We're all trying to live for something, some reason to keep going even if all we want to do is curl up into a ball and cry. It's whether we're living for ourselves or for someone else."
"Right now, I'm living for someone else, and I think that's a stronger incentive than just for yourself."
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watcher in night†
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The directness of the question didn't seem to shock Rosemary, whose voice was surprisingly firm as she answered Meera. She seemed to echo Meera's thoughts with every word she spoke. Rosemary understood that they just couldn't accept death here, on this island.
Rosemary Michaels wasn't ready to lie down and die, wasn't going to just become a victim without a fight. Joey's death hadn't broken her resolve. For the first time since this morning. Meera actually felt a sliver of hope.
"It's not insane. That's how I think about it too," she said to Rosemary. "I can't die now, not here. You're right about- about living for someone else. I-"
Meera bit her lip before she could continue. Right now Rosemary didn't need to hear all of her reasons, about how much she missed her home and parents and brothers and sister. She wasn't sure she could trust herself not to be too emotional right now, not when she was so tired.
"I'm not in this just to save myself," Meera settled on saying. "I don't think I'd care so much about surviving if I was."
Meera wondered again if she should just keep talking, or if she pried too deeply into Rosemary's personal thoughts it would end in hurt for them both. For a while, she looked out the window at the moon, and at the faint pinpricks of stars. There were no other witnesses to their conversation besides the darkness all around them.
"Who are you living for?" she finally asked. "I mean- if you don't mind me asking."
Rosemary Michaels wasn't ready to lie down and die, wasn't going to just become a victim without a fight. Joey's death hadn't broken her resolve. For the first time since this morning. Meera actually felt a sliver of hope.
"It's not insane. That's how I think about it too," she said to Rosemary. "I can't die now, not here. You're right about- about living for someone else. I-"
Meera bit her lip before she could continue. Right now Rosemary didn't need to hear all of her reasons, about how much she missed her home and parents and brothers and sister. She wasn't sure she could trust herself not to be too emotional right now, not when she was so tired.
"I'm not in this just to save myself," Meera settled on saying. "I don't think I'd care so much about surviving if I was."
Meera wondered again if she should just keep talking, or if she pried too deeply into Rosemary's personal thoughts it would end in hurt for them both. For a while, she looked out the window at the moon, and at the faint pinpricks of stars. There were no other witnesses to their conversation besides the darkness all around them.
"Who are you living for?" she finally asked. "I mean- if you don't mind me asking."
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MrMissMrs Random†
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Rosemary remained silent for a while after Meera's question. She hadn't told anyone about Ryan since the move to Seattle. The few acquaintances and friends she had didn't even know about him. She didn't mean for that to happen, but her brother's death was something private; if people knew about it she could be treated differently. Someone that wasn't 'normal'. People would never treat something like a death as something that happened every day, even though it did. And she learned a long time ago why.
But the situation they all were in now was the greatest equalizer she could think of. If she told Meera she probably couldn't use such information against her. She hoped not at least.
Meera had a big desire to live, and she had made sure Rosemary kept moving after the record store. Maybe this was how she could return the favor.
"I... had a brother, Ryan." She started. "He got hit by a car and died pretty soon after that. I don't want my parents to have to go through something like that again. I'm afraid if it does it'll tear them completely apart and- and I don't want to be the reason for that happening."
But the situation they all were in now was the greatest equalizer she could think of. If she told Meera she probably couldn't use such information against her. She hoped not at least.
Meera had a big desire to live, and she had made sure Rosemary kept moving after the record store. Maybe this was how she could return the favor.
"I... had a brother, Ryan." She started. "He got hit by a car and died pretty soon after that. I don't want my parents to have to go through something like that again. I'm afraid if it does it'll tear them completely apart and- and I don't want to be the reason for that happening."
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watcher in night†
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Meera was completely thrown off-guard as Rosemary spoke about her brother's death. She'd known Rosemary for...how many years now? And all this time she'd had no idea. Everything Rosemary had said tonight now made sense. Rosemary had been dealing with the same hurt and anger that Meera had been dealing with since Joey's death this whole time.
Before the island, Meera had never really thought much of death. Before the island she's lived as though she never expected to die, sometimes making blatantly reckless, stupid decisions. None of her close family members had died since her grandmother, when she was very young. But she barely remembered anything of the aftermath besides tears and a family gathering.
Not even their time on this island, not even Joey's death, came close to equaling what Rosemary had lost. Her brother. Meera thought about losing one of her brothers, and the idea was so disturbing that she stopped almost at once.
She wondered again why she hadn't heard this before. Then she realized that Rosemary must hate all of the attention that came with having lost a close family member.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know," she said. "For whatever it's worth, I'm sorry."
Meera's words sounded hollow and lame to her. But what more could she say? She'd never even had to deal with death until today. Even now, trapped on this island, she could barely what it would be like to live without her siblings. The thought was just too painful.
This is what will happen to my brothers and sisters if I die here, she thought.
It was what Rosemary had just told her that shattered Meera's last reservations about trusting her. She, like Meera, was completely committed to living.
"Then we're going to have to make sure we get home," she said to Rosemary.
She knew it was probably a foolish, hopeless dream, said on the spur of the moment. But in that moment Meera believed that one or both of them had a chance at survival. Like Rosemary had said. Those who fought to live for the sake of others had a stronger will than those who were just in it for themselves.
She knew then that neither of them would ever give up. And that one way or another, they would find a way not only to survive, but to live.
((Meera Stele continued in What Now?))
Before the island, Meera had never really thought much of death. Before the island she's lived as though she never expected to die, sometimes making blatantly reckless, stupid decisions. None of her close family members had died since her grandmother, when she was very young. But she barely remembered anything of the aftermath besides tears and a family gathering.
Not even their time on this island, not even Joey's death, came close to equaling what Rosemary had lost. Her brother. Meera thought about losing one of her brothers, and the idea was so disturbing that she stopped almost at once.
She wondered again why she hadn't heard this before. Then she realized that Rosemary must hate all of the attention that came with having lost a close family member.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know," she said. "For whatever it's worth, I'm sorry."
Meera's words sounded hollow and lame to her. But what more could she say? She'd never even had to deal with death until today. Even now, trapped on this island, she could barely what it would be like to live without her siblings. The thought was just too painful.
This is what will happen to my brothers and sisters if I die here, she thought.
It was what Rosemary had just told her that shattered Meera's last reservations about trusting her. She, like Meera, was completely committed to living.
"Then we're going to have to make sure we get home," she said to Rosemary.
She knew it was probably a foolish, hopeless dream, said on the spur of the moment. But in that moment Meera believed that one or both of them had a chance at survival. Like Rosemary had said. Those who fought to live for the sake of others had a stronger will than those who were just in it for themselves.
She knew then that neither of them would ever give up. And that one way or another, they would find a way not only to survive, but to live.
((Meera Stele continued in What Now?))
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MrMissMrs Random†
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Rosemary knew when people said "I'm sorry" about someone dying, they didn't know how they were feeling, and she envied that ignorance. But at least Meera tried to be comforting and that felt surprisingly nice.
"It was eight years ago, don't worry about it. But... yeah, now you know why." She replied, looking at Meera. She wouldn't avert her eyes as if she was ashamed anymore. At least her purpose was made clear. They would need to keep moving forward once daylight came.
"It's pretty late now, you should get some sleep." She attempted another smile, this one felt a bit more relaxed than the others. "I'll wake you up when it's your shift, please try to get some rest, okay?"
And with that, Rosemary turned her head back to be bathed by the moonlight.
(Rosemary Michaels continued to What Now?)
"It was eight years ago, don't worry about it. But... yeah, now you know why." She replied, looking at Meera. She wouldn't avert her eyes as if she was ashamed anymore. At least her purpose was made clear. They would need to keep moving forward once daylight came.
"It's pretty late now, you should get some sleep." She attempted another smile, this one felt a bit more relaxed than the others. "I'll wake you up when it's your shift, please try to get some rest, okay?"
And with that, Rosemary turned her head back to be bathed by the moonlight.
(Rosemary Michaels continued to What Now?)
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((Paulo Abbate continued from Nobody Wants this))
As Rosemary and Meera discussed plans, reservations, the worries, Paulo slept. Restlessly, miserably, but he slept.
Somewhere the tough, hard youth that he wanted to be had gotten away from him. There was no choice, really. A girl had died because he was off not paying attention, and then he got to watch someone's head get blown off. Confidence, belief in one's own abilities was easily shaken by a string of occurrences like that.
He didn't dream about it, or anything. Paulo wasn't one to visualize his problems. But as he shifted on his section of floor in the corner, he certainly thought about it.
Especially Alda. She was a bitch. He hated her more often than not, and he was sure the feeling was mutual. But she was his fucking sister. If what he had seen would happen to her...then Paulo didn't know what he was going to do. Everything was in the air, and he had no idea where he would be when it all came down.
Paulo groaned lightly and turned on his side, facing the wall, his sleep laced with the implications of his failure.
((Paulo Abbate continued in What Now?))
As Rosemary and Meera discussed plans, reservations, the worries, Paulo slept. Restlessly, miserably, but he slept.
Somewhere the tough, hard youth that he wanted to be had gotten away from him. There was no choice, really. A girl had died because he was off not paying attention, and then he got to watch someone's head get blown off. Confidence, belief in one's own abilities was easily shaken by a string of occurrences like that.
He didn't dream about it, or anything. Paulo wasn't one to visualize his problems. But as he shifted on his section of floor in the corner, he certainly thought about it.
Especially Alda. She was a bitch. He hated her more often than not, and he was sure the feeling was mutual. But she was his fucking sister. If what he had seen would happen to her...then Paulo didn't know what he was going to do. Everything was in the air, and he had no idea where he would be when it all came down.
Paulo groaned lightly and turned on his side, facing the wall, his sleep laced with the implications of his failure.
((Paulo Abbate continued in What Now?))