Lucifer Fell

[Ciel†]

"And if you fall as Lucifer fell. You fall in flames! And so it must be."
Ami didn't think she would see the freighter again. If someone asked her a day ago, Ami would say she never wanted to see it again. It held nasty memories for her. She wanted to keep them buried.

Hindsight. 20/20. You don't get to decide.

She wished she could apologize to Mira. She didn't mean to break her promise, it's just... Mira would get in the way of what she had to do. Ami had to do it, alone. Only then could she allow herself to die.

(Ami Flynn continued from Two Opponents.)

When she reached the coast, she almost turned around. She felt the urge building in her legs, her feet making a hard right and turning away from the freighter. But no, no second thoughts. Ami Flynn had to finish what she started. She shouldered her dufflebag and forced herself to keep walking.

Her mind swam like the waves crashing into the dunes. She tried to keep herself upright but with the shoes on her feet and the cuffs of her pants, Ami kept stumbling on her bad leg. Each time she did, Ami would let out a loud gasp and stop dead in her tracks. She'd check the bandages to see if there was any blood.

What's worse than getting stabbed in the thigh? Cleaning the wound. She did an okay job, the bandaging tight enough to keep the wound knitted. Ami didn't want to push her luck. That's why she kept starting and stopping, inching her way along the shore, praying that she didn't make it worse.

So occupied with the dull pain in her leg, Ami almost didn't see Gavin. Seeing him made her frown. Gavin might have been an asshole but he didn't deserve this. She unzipped her leather jacket and threw it at Gavin's head. This looks better on you, she thought. Might be a little small. Don't need it now.

Ami mindlessly reached for her carton of cigarettes, or rather, the empty carton. When she realized this, she let out a huff and chucked it at Gavin. Then she went to flick the still lit butt at him, too, but thought better of it.

His death was her fault. Just like Brian's and Garrett's. So Gavin and the other corpses could join the long list of lives Ami Flynn had ruined. Everything was her fault. Tie all of your sin on her so she could be crucified for them. At least then she wouldn't be so useless, she thought.

The waves were making her sick. Can you even get seasickness on dry land? No, don't be stupid. It was the cigarettes. Her stomach churned. Ami swore she would have thrown up already if she hadn't starved herself for two days straight. She was hungry, and tired, but she didn't give a single fuck about any of that.

Uselessly she hoped, prayed that the sound of the ocean would drown out the thoughts ravaging her mind. Better to vomit than to let the abhorrent infection grow.

But no matter how deafening the splashes became, the buzzing grew in pitch to compensate, creaking, slouching over her everything. The images from the first day, the buzzing in her brain, the sudden outbursts, all fueled by powers that Ami could not possibly understand.

But she knew enough. She knew these thoughts were never going to let her go until she finished what she started.

Ami had to finish what she started.

She was going to finish what she started.

Ami made it to the freighter. She walked inside, and saw Sara laying exactly where she left her. The cardigan, her cardigan, was laying beside her. The wind must have blown it off. Without the cardigan, Ami could see maggots writhing inside of Sara's face. Dryheaving was unavoidable, even for Graveyard Amy. But she swallowed it, choked it down. She knew what she had to do.

Ami picked up her favorite cardigan and pressed it to her chest. The blood had stained, just as she suspected, but she slipped it back on. It fit her like a glove. There was a reason it was her favorite, after all.

The journey was over. She was at the destination, and she accepted the task at hand. However... she couldn't just... do it, could she?

No. She couldn't. Not without a reason.

Ami blinked. Turning to a camera placed at her immediate right, she stared into the lens. She bit her lip.

"Someone must be watching this," she mumbled.

Of course. What a stupid question. Stupid stupid stupid. Ami trembled lightly, thinking of how best to approach.

"Hi." Ami hesitated, pensive. "They call you people terrorists. I'm not really sure if that's true. I always thought terrorists had agendas, reasons for what the crimes they commit. For the life of me I can't imagine what agenda you must have."

... No, it doesn't matter. It wasn't like they were going to tell her. Ami shook her head while she unzipped the dufflebag partway and dug her hand inside.

"Look. I know I mean less than nothing to you people but... Please record this."

Ami assumed this broadcast prerecorded or live. It didn't matter which, so long as she was being broadcast. She lingered for a moment, shuffling awkwardly. Glancing down at her bag, she noted the words written on in a clear, no-nonsense typeface. Her face grew cold, hard, as she stared back into the camera.

"My name is Ami Flynn. My designated number is 072. I assume this means I am the seventy-second girl they assigned."

She combed her bangs out of her face and huffed. It's pretty fitting; Ami was always picked last in Gym.

"I am seventeen years old. I live in Seattle, Washington. I'm an only child with two of the best parents in the world."

She stopped smiling. Don't think, keep talking.

"I'm part of the graduating class of 2012. I learned I was going to Princeton the day of my senior trip. I don't have the acceptance letter though... they took it out of my bag."

"I... What I'm trying to say is that I am a human, not a character on a television show. I..."

She was losing her composure. This was pointless, she was stalling.

Her left hand fell away from her face. Her right reached fumbled. She kept her serious look as she got to the main course, the 'who' and 'why'.

"I am now addressing the family of Sara Corlett." She swallowed. A tremble. "I.. I cannot bring your daughter back. That would be impossible. But even if I could, it would be foolish to expect you to forgive me. I hurt your daughter, I... killed her. In cold blood."

Ami's face melted into a pitiful melancholy. She was losing it.

"I can't give you adequate reason. When it happened, I - I was just... I was really mad at somebody else, and then she just jumped in front of me a-and.. and I thought she...

"I thought she was trying to kill me."

Ami took in a deep breath. The tears started streaming down her face but she didn't have it in her to stop.

"I... I know, now, that she wasn't. It was a simple miscommunication, but I handled it in the worst way possible. It was wrong of me."

The streams were now raging ocean waves. God, Ami was capsizing.

"I deeply, sincerely apologize for what I've done but I know you won't forgive me." She sniffed. "I've thought for days on how to make it right. I promised myself if I made it back home, I would make it right but... That means I would have to ruin even more lives. So I can't give you that."

She found what she was looking for. With her other hand, Ami pulled on the zipper.

"... but what I can give you is closure."

The bag clattered to the floor. Her hand gripped the MAC-10 in a tight vice. Not once did she move her eyes away from the camera, despite the burning in her eyes and her quaking limbs.

When Ami picked up Katarina's gun, she knew, she knew. Small enough to hold in one hand, big enough for impact. Ami thought about specifics for hours, mulled over how best to do it, the pros and cons.

She knew she wasn't shooting herself in the mouth. What if she missed and ended up paralyzing herself instead? No. She wanted it quick. Clean. Antiseptic. Business. Like surgery. That was what Sara deserved, what Ami should have given her.

The temple was the best option. She went with that. Right temple, because it allowed Ami to keep her eyes on the camera. She finished.

"Hopefully this will give that closure. I can only hope. But if my death cannot offer catharsis, please, believe me when I say that Sara did nothing wrong, it was me. I'm truly sorry for what I've done."

That was it. Ami finished. She sank to her knees, pressed the gun to her head.

... No, she wasn't done talking. Ami was so tired, she didn't want to speak, but she forgot someone important. Through aching, flaring tears, Ami opened her mouth and meet the camera's gaze one last time.

"Mom? Dad? If you're watching this, I... I love you."

There. Done.

Ami closed her heavy eyes. It was over. The weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

She smiled. God. It felt better than she imagined. She hooked her finger around the trigger.

All she had to do was pull. If she did that, she could rest easy. Ami was so tired and that prospect really appealed to her.

Everything began to melt away.

The sounds surrounding her, the gentle breeze coming from the ocean.

All that was left was a dark, hallow void, silent as the night.

[Ciel†]

This was her Confessional. A blank page that she could fold and slip into her pocket. Here, she could say anything and no one would judge her. Anything at all. Whatever was on her mind.

She loved Mallory McCormick.

... Things like that.

She could spend as much time as she wanted to, too....But as much as she wanted to spill her guts, she couldn't. Ami had to finish what she started.

Pull the trigger. That's all. It was so easy, a monkey could do it.

Ami Flynn wasn't afraid. She accepted her punishment.

But. i don't want to die.

[D/N]

(Deanna Hull continued from Girls from the Valley)

This was awkward.

Morning and they'd reached the beach. That wasn't much of an accomplishment, but whatever. The announcements had been on, saying that Sharon Austin had killed Cammy, and did that have some weird connection to Sharon trying to kill Dee? Oh, and the bodies of fellow students were speckled around the freighter like an evil omen in a shitty horror movie about stupid kids running afoul of darkness in an exotic land they shouldn't trespass in. So of course Dee had volunteered to take a peek inside the death boat while Ruby checked the perimeter.

She tried to be quiet as she climbed inside. That was probably why the girl at the far end of the hold didn't notice. Or maybe Ami Flynn just had other things on her mind, like the fucking bullet she was about to propel through it.

Dee stopped as Ami knelt facing away from her, gun to her head. She bit her lip, careful not to draw blood like before, and didn't really like how expressionless she knew her face. Because ho goddamn hum, another classmate gonna die.

Fuckfuckfuck.

Dee semiconsciously decided to give Ami one second to decide on her own if she'd pull the trigger. Two seconds. Because seriously it wasn't like Dee was gonna fucking begrudge Ami if she decided to do it, Dee'd considered it herself of course she had, and three seconds it was probably for the best seriously it would be and.... pisser, she knew Ruby was looking for Ami and four seconds this would look so bad for her and everyone and Kyran and your turn, Dee.

Five seconds.

"Uh, hey. Hi."

That was an ugly look she was getting.

"Sorry."

[Ciel†]

Disembodied and soulful, Ami almost mistook Dee for a voice inside her head. Made sense, at least to her. She had lost her grip on reality long before Mira pummeled Katarina into mud and called it fun. But no, the voice was real and it was coming from behind her. Or from around her. The hull was so hollow a pindrop could carry an echo. But that voice carried such a faint vibration that made it sound surreal.

Ami's blood turned to ice. Someone had entered her Confessional Booth, the space for her and her alone, and it sure as hell couldn't be Sara Corlett looking for answers.

It could be Azrael, the angel of death. Yes, that must be it. Death was here to help her pass on to a better world, or, in Ami's case, a much, much worse one. Ami did not fear the Reaper because it meant that she didn't chicken out. She was surprised more than anything, because she expected the Pale Rider to be grave and monotone. She didn't anticipate Death sounding so... feminine? Yeah. Feminine, with a hint of spice.

But it must be psychopomp. Who else would have any reason to mutter an apology? Ami swallowed.

"It's okay," she said, speaking as though she were cradling a newborn to sleep. "If anyone should apologize, it should be me."

It's the truth, after all. And with so much to seek forgiveness for, one would be forgiven for mistaking Ami for a jobless George Thorogood. Funny, making jokes when she was practically staring Death in the face. Did that mean she was already dead? Maybe she already pulled the trigger and splattered her brains all over the floor. Perhaps Ami's soul flew from the body and now she was kneeling through her own corpse.

How could she know her eyes closed? Her lids tightened at that train of thought, but she couldn't keep them closed forever, this, she knew. So she opened her eyes and was shocked to find no blood.

... Of course she wasn't dead. Ami Flynn was a two-faced coward. She couldn't possibly have the spine to kill herself. Why she raised her hopes so high was beyond her.

But if that's the case, then that voice...

Ami Flynn peered over her shoulder, then spun around when she saw Dee. She wanted to scream but ended up coughing. Ami couldn't tell which was more unnerving; how she didn't hear anyone come in or how Ami's kneejerk reaction almost made her aim the gun at Dee. The barrel didn't leave her temple, though. She forced it to stay where it was because she had to finish what she started, this, Ami knew all too well. Deanna was a complication however, a metal rod jammed in the gearbox of Ami's internal workings, and that disruption alone caused her to let go of the trigger.

She stared at Dee, wide-eyed, a frightened doe caught in the headlights.

"... H...Hey."

Well. This was embarrassing. If she had been standing, Ami Flynn would shuffle from foot to foot, avoiding eye-contact. But she was sitting on the ground. So she just stared at Deanna.

"Uhm." Ami sighed, her voice cracking. "How - How long have you been standing there?"

[D/N]

"Not long. Like five seconds."

Give or take.

"Um..."

Hey, it was Graveyard Amy. Off to plant another corpse in said marble town, it looked like. Guilt or fatigue or fear or who knew why; Dee couldn't remember if Ami had been on the announcements or not. Frankly she didn't remember seeing Ami on the trip at all till now. Odd, that. Not that they were good friends, but Dee used to be good at recognizing and remembering people. Now she couldn't even recall whether the girl she was facing was a killer. Must be how her great-grandma feels all the time, sitting in her old folks home watching Jerry Springer and almost remembering her sole great-granddaughter's name, still alive if not quite kicking. And poor Dee had barely spared a thought for Gram when she was reminiscing about her family.

Not to mention that while remembering that stuff now, it pretty fucking clearly wasn't the time, and Dee hoped her spaceout hadn't been more than a second.

"So, I dunno, if you wanna talk or anything..."

If Ami wanted to talk that'd be fine. The other option?

Yes Deanna, how would the other option be? Beyond messy.

"Or anything like that it's cool. If uh... look I won't judge you, promise."

Maybe that was a good answer. Placating enough to avoid having thinking about it.

[Ciel†]

"Oh."

Five seconds. How long had she been sitting on the floor, then? Ami was certain it was much longer than five seconds.

Ami did not know Deanna. She knew her name, 'Dee', but whether it was her actual name or just a nickname, she had no clue. She sang though? Ami heard her sing, once. Pretty voice, pretty in general, at least in Ami's opinion. They never talked at school, though. She wished they did. She could see them being friends...

Deanna wanted to talk, said she wouldn't judge. Ami wanted to take her up on that, really, she did, but... Ami sighed.

"Dee." Ami frowned. "If you knew the things I did, you'd be judging me."

A slow shake of her head, the barrel brushing across her skin. She closed her eyes.

"I have guns and food in my bag. It's yours, just... Give me a minute. I can't do this with you standing here."

[Fiori]

((Ruby Forrester continued from Hunger for Freedom))

Ruby had hoped to never come across that damned boat ever again.

It was part of the reason why she agreed to let Deanna go inside first whilst she checked around the side. She could still remember vividly what it had been like just days ago, that moment of realisation regarding Sean. The sudden moment of chaos that led to Sara's death and Ami's disappearance. Seeing the boat up close again was bringing back a lot of unpleasant memories.

Still, at least she now had other thoughts to distract herself with. Such as the fact that odds are those gunshots she fired at Sharon actually made their mark. Whilst she hadn't noticed it at the time, whenever she thought back to the aviary she couldn't recall hearing or seeing Sharon do anything after she had shot at her. No sign of retreat, no reloading, no pursuit. Although at the same time, she couldn't remember hearing Sharon scream in pain or anything like that either. That said, if she had hit her in the head or something...

Christ, she wasn't sure which was worse. Knowing for certain whether she had killed someone, or being uncertain as to whether or not she had killed someone. At least with the former she wouldn't spend most of her waking moments replaying the events in her head, trying desperately to figure out if she had just committed murder. No, she'd probably just replay the events in her head out of guilt instead. After all, despite having attempted to kill in the past, Sharon was possibly the first time that she actually succeeded in doing so. Our of self defence of course, but ultimately murder was still murder. Any hopes she had of making it off this island with her hands clean were long gone.

That said, given how successful the escape attempts had been thus far, her chances of getting out of this situation completely innocent were virtually non-existent.

In any case, right now Ruby was wondering why Deanna was taking so long. Sean hadn't decided to remain in the ship, had he? Waiting for some unlucky passer-by to keelhaul or something equally horrible and deranged?

"Hey Dee, did you find anything?" she called out, standing by the shipwreck's entrance with her gun at the ready if need be.

[D/N]

Sure. She might judge. Maybe it mattered what Ami had done. Maybe not.

Either way the other girl seemed, if not set and determined on pulling the trigger, at least on drawing this out a bit more.

So that led back to the question of how it would be to let Ami blow her brains out the back of her skull.

Fuck.

Silly Dee. She knew exactly how it would be.

"Um... I died, on the first day. Almost died. Like half-died."

She knew because she'd already seen it, red and white syrup on the rocks at the cove. She'd heard it when Dave's body cracked and it was a sound she wouldn't forget.

Except that she had.

"Dave Russell jumped off the cliff. I think he was the first one, first death. I think he was. But he landed, on the rocks on the bottom, where I was.

Christ. There was something wrong with her, all right. Forget her great-grandma, fuck when was the last time she'd thought of Dave Russell? Was her mind like defusing, leaving black gaps in her memory like burned-out circuits?

"I went out in the water, and there was a wave, smacked my face against a rock, I dunno. I got dragged out, I swallowed all this water, and..."

Black gaps like death.

"I think I died, for a second. There was this empty blackness, like this nothing, and it didn't last long because I came back up, but, it was so... scary. Because I was so fucking angry and miserable, you know? And I didn't want, like that."

Dee snuck a glance at Ami's bag, the one she'd been awarded post-future-mortem. Seemed she didn't need to steal junk on this island after all. Thus far, people had up and offered it to her willingly, if not freely.

"So, if you're gonna do it, that's OK. Seriously. Just... try to think of something good if you can."

She took a step back, then remembered. Ruby. Oh yeah.

Dee was about to ask Ami about whether she wanted her to say anything to Ruby, when Ruby's voice broke in and spoke for her.

"That's Ruby Forrester," Dee said. "She was looking for you. Umm..."

You know what? Fuckit. She'd already given Ami her blessing, one way or the other.

"So if you're gonna do it, do it quick."

She tried to smile, ended up not doing so, and turned her back to Ami.

"Just a second, Ruby," she called out. "I'll meet you at the entry!"

Dee steeled herself for the possible gunshot behind her.

[Ciel†]

... Ami lowered the gun. She laid her hand in her lap, pistol laying sideways, pointed away.

Reverse psychology, had to be. You don't see someone with a gun to your head and say "Ok." This was nonsense. Ami had to finish what she started. But the candidness in which Dee spoke made her stop. Something stuck out about her story to her.

"You tried to save Dave."

Ami Flynn was not friends with David Russell. In fact, one could argue that she couldn't stand him. But he didn't deserve to die. No one did, apart from the monsters. Monsters like Katarina and Hansel and maybe Ami Flynn.

"It's killing you, isn't it? You tried to help someone and it just blew up in your face." She closed her eyes and swallowed. The inside of her throat felt like sandpaper. "I know how that feels. It... Hurts. It really really hurts."

She was about to open the floodgates to Dee. Maybe spill her reasons for being there, talk about Sara, assuming Dee didn't already know. But then there was a voice and it made Ami pause. That was odd. She swore she knew that voice from somewhere.

... Ami opened her eyes.

No. No, it couldn't be Ruby.

But it was true. Dee all but confirmed it for her. Her pupils dilated, her hold on the gun turning into a death grip. She wasn't angry, not just yet, but you'd be mistaken for reading her face.

"How long has she -" Ami shook her head, her voice becoming quiet. "Don't let her in. Tell her to go away. I-I don't want to see her."

Yeah, fat chance of that happening. Ruby Forrester wasn't one to simply walk away.

[Fiori]

"Alright, just don't take too long..." replied Ruby, lowering her gun as she glanced back in the direction of Gavin's body.

Happening across the results of Gavin's escape plan again was something she had wanted to see again, especially after hearing the reasons for why it happened. Four people. All getting their collars blown at the exact same time. The thought that her captors watching her right now could kill her at any moment sent chills down her spine, enough so to make her not mind the fact that her neck was covered in blisters after having worn that damn collar for several days. Is this what would have happened to her if Ami hadn't of stopped her the other day? If she had successfully destroyed that camera out of anger, would she be the one with a caping hole where their neck used to be?

Still, the thing that bothered her the most wasn't so much the sight of all those corpses, but the fact that Gavin's coat was covering his face. As hazy as her memory could occasionally be, Ruby was pretty sure that the last time she saw him his coat was nowhere near his head. Which meant that someone had to have moved it. It wasn't that big a deal, after all there were still plenty of people left on the island. Would make sense for someone to come along and block such an uncomfortable sight.

That said, what if that someone was still around...

"Say Dee, are you sure that you haven't found..." Ruby began, only to stop mid-sentence when she glanced through the doorway.

Dee wasn't alone. She hadn't noticed earlier due to the dark, but there was definitely another person in there.

"Dee? Who's that?"

Not waiting for an answer, Ruby quickly entered the hulk, eager to see who Dee had happened across. Was it Sean? Was that crazy bastard still here, pretending to get drunk of rum whilst singing about his buried treasure?

Thankfully, it wasn't Sean. It was however someone she recognised instantly.

"Ami?"

[D/N]

Again she'd been misunderstood. Misrespected.

Save Dave. Sounded like a crappy joke. Title of a rom-com, maybe. Dee sure as hell hadn't tried to save Dave Russell. She didn't know what she'd done, but it hadn't been that.

And she was wrapping Ami's fucking accusation around her head, scraping her tongue against her back teeth like trying to hold back bile. Save Dave? That hurt, Ami; could be Ami did know what Dee felt better than Deanna did herself, but that was the whole damn point. Dee didn't know, that hurt, and maybe that was why Dee called out to Ruby.

It hurt Ami back, and Dee hated how she felt because of it. So when Ruby stepped in, Dee backtracked.

"Sorry. Don't like, kill each other."

She looked at her feet.

"Sorry."

[Ciel†]

That was right. Ami misunderstood. It was all an act. She lived vicariously through other people; buttering herself up by buttering other people up.

When Ami said "you tried to save him", what she meant was "I tried to save Brian and I failed." When Ami asked "It's killing you, isn't it?", secretly it could not be more rhetorical. And when she said "Don't let her in," it had nothing to do with Ruby Forrester and everything to do with Ami Flynn.

Two-faced and selfish; that's what Ami was. She could go on and on about critical thinking but Ami Flynn was an empiricist, a monster created by nurture and a childhood of not getting any on here. There are rules to living in a funeral home but they can all be summed up succinctly: Say what they wanted to hear, act humble and keep your thoughts to yourself. Maybe then they will feel better.

But Dee didn't feel better. Ami saw her gag, literally gag. And that hurt. It left Ami dazed and confused. She was so distracted that she only noticed Ruby when she called out to her.

Ami stared at Ruby. Ruby looked surprised. And, she swore, it was like someone flipped a switch in her brain. She clenched her fists. Didn't Dee say that Ruby was looking for her? Why was she so surprised? And after all Ami did for her and this was how Ruby repaid her? Ami wanted to hit Ruby, hit her in that stupid, wide-eyed face.

Of course she wouldn't have to stones to do it. God, she was so useless. She couldn't even kill herself, that was how useless she was. The only useful thing she did over the past week was save Ruby. Not useful enough to stop Ruby from leaving after Ami...

Her eyes started to ache. She forced them shut. They twitched and itched and she hated it.

"Just..." Ami closed her eyes. "Just leave Ruby. Or..."

Or what, Ami? Or what? You'll shoot her?

No. Of course she wouldn't shoot Ruby, even if she had a clear shot and a perfect opportunity.

... That wasn't a normal thing to think.

... God. What was wrong with her?

Ami breathed, each wheeze more labored than the last. Something was screaming inside of her. Part of her wanted to slap Ruby, she swore to god, she was going to get up and backhand her so hard, she didn't even care. Part of her urged her to lift the gun and pull the trigger, do it, don't chicken out, you coward. A third wanted to just curl up in a ball and die. Just leave me alone.

This claustrophobia, it wasn't just the island. It was ongoing for years. She could manage it back home, just swallow it back and smile, focus on other people. just like her father taught her. But this island, it brought the worst out of her and she... Now she was pingponging from melancholy to spite to self-degradation and she...

There was something was wrong with her. Inside her.

Was she schizo, and did that made acting like a rational person impossible? Did she secretly got a thrill out of killing? Like a psychopath? Or was she just mentally handicapped, and the only reason killed Sara was because Ami was just retarded enough to do it?

Ami didn't know. After five days of this mental back-and-forth, Ami couldn't take it anymore.

She just wanted to do the right thing. She didn't ask for any of this. She...

Ami fought to be strong. Katarina made her crack, she would not allow that to happen again. She bore her front teeth into her bottom lip, dropped the gun and slapped her forehead.

"Why did you leave, Ruby?" Ami sniffed "I needed you and you just... you were gone!"

[Fiori]

Ruby went through a number of mixed feelings the moment she saw Ami, seeing as by this point she had only just accepted the fact that odds were she would never see her alive again. Surprise, confusion, disbelief being amongst the first, but the most prominent of all was relief. Despite all the odds, there she was, the one person on the island who Ruby actually wanted to bump into.

Sadly though, Ami's reaction put an end to that.

At first Ruby assumed that Ami would be just as relieved to see her as she was to see Ami. After all, they had spent so much time watching out for one another, and from the looks of things Ami had spent a significant amount of time all on her own. But as soon as Ami began to speak, Ruby instantly realised that something was not right, her face changing from the early stages of a smile to one of concern and confusion.

Leave? Why would Ami want her to leave, after having only just reunited? Had something happened to her that was so traumatic that she didn't want to spend time with anyone else? Was she still feeling regret over what had happened to Sara?

When Ami then continued, it all began to make sense. She cursed herself again for not keeping an eye out for Sean back on the boat, or for not having a stronger stomach in the first place. If she hadn't of gone outside and left Ami all alone, they would never had split up.

But, hadn't she told Ami that she was coming back? At least, she think she did. Now that Ruby thought about it, at the time all she could remember was how nauseous she was at the situation they had found themselves in, and how all she wanted was to get as far away from it as she possibly could so that she could get her thoughts straight. It was more than possible that she either neglected to tell Ami or that Ami hadn't heard her.

Either way, in hindsight it was a huge mistake. She shouldn't have left Ami alone full-stop, especially not with Sean still on the boat. And now it may be too late for her to make up for it.

"I..." Ruby began, placing her gun on the floor and kneeling down beside Ami. "I cannot even begin to say how sorry I am about all this. I'd only meant to head outside for a minute or so to clear my thoughts, try to think of some way to handle this... This fucked up situation we've all found ourselves in."

She paused for a moment, thinking about what she was going to say next, before continuing.

"I'd of come back if it weren't for that bastard Sean getting the jump on me. I should have taken him out when I had the chance, but I... I hesitated."

She quickly glanced behind her back, checking to see if Dee was still there.

"But it doesn't matter now. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to come back, I shouldn't have left you alone in there in the first place. But it's okay, I'm here now! Everything it going to be fine..."

[Ciel†]

Breathing labored. Ami forced each breath and even then she couldn't manage. She was fighting to be strong but she was losing very quickly. Ruby trying to comfort her was just making it all worse.

The more Ruby talked, the more Ami zoned out. It was clear Ruby didn't know what Ami came here to do. If she had, she might have been more careful with her words. Ami understood that Ruby was trying to help her and for that she was grateful, but the only thing Ami thought was 'You just don't get it.' The way Ruby spoke wafted of optimism though, nativity and ignorance. And that drove the voices in her head up the wall.

To call them voices would be an exaggeration, a metaphor for the lack of description. They weren't always there, but when they were they came all at once. Scrambling to be first like several people trying to leave through a door at the same time. They weren't actual voices per se, more like pathways, flavors of thought. One told Ami just to sit there and nod. Another told her to kill herself, 'do it, you have to finish what you started, kill yourself'. A third was livid, shoving and screaming for Ami to slap her, 'and I thought I could trust you, bitch!'. A forth told her if she reached for her gun, she'd have enough time to kill Ruby. A fifth just cried, 'I want to go home.'

Ami knew nothing of these impulses. Before the island, Ami simple rationalized that it normal simply normal, implicit thoughts and nothing more. That's what self-control is for, isn't it? But now she had an inkling that something was wrong, and it scared the bejeezus out of her.

The sum of her parts could see eye to eye on a few things though. They were offended by the notion that things would have been better had Ruby stuck around. Yeah, no. Just think back to the hospital. Ruby would have pulled her gun on Garrett the second he started questioning Ami. The fact that he had a group was irrelevant. The only thing that mattered was that Garrett killed someone.

This wasn't just speculation. Ami knew that's what would have happened. She remembered how gentle Ruby was to Ami when they first met up, and the sheer aggression she showed Gavin. Ami recalled the countdown before Brian died, how Ruby was engaging a known killer. Hell... Ami didn't see Ruby with her gun, but she wouldn't have been surprised if she instigated everything with Sean. Spend several days with someone and you get an idea of how they operate.

But Ami didn't need any of that to know Ruby was full of shit. All she needed was the sixth voice.

Hindsight, 20/20, think back to the mall, to Mira and the jacket and the bled out sun. Remember how Ami promised the world to Mira. Notice how Ami spoke with that same tone. And that same look on her face, that exact same look.

Ami was a lot of things. 'Stupid' was not one of them.

She preened her hair and responded just as Ruby was about to speak again.

"He jumped you?" Ami nearly scoffed. "Was this before or after you ditched me?"

She sat back with her legs out in front of her, arms propping her torso up. The pain in her leg flared up again and she hoped and prayed the wound would stay closed. Why did she stitch up a wound when she was planning kill herself? The holes in her logic were beginning to show.

"What would he have wanted with you, Ruby? I was the one who killed Sara. And I was sitting her for god knows how long, all alone. If Sean wanted revenge, he could have just walked right in and taken it."

A beat, to wipe her nose on the cuff of her shirt.

"But he didn't. He cried and screamed parlay. Then he ran. That's what happened."

Ami was running in polar opposite directions. Her body still ached, her eyes damp and itching But her mind was sharp and it helped her to speak clearly, despite the soreness in her throat.

"Stop lying to me, Ruby. I've fed myself enough lies as it is, I don't need to choke on any of yours."

[D/N]

These were the moments that Deanna lived for.

At least, they used to be.

They were moments when she could do exactly this -- stand back and let other dramas play themselves out. It was easy. A nice, soothing return to normalcy.

Except that something scratched at her. It buzzed around her neck like a fly she couldn't swat. Maybe it was that Ami still had the gun even though Ruby had set down hers, or the unnatural way Ami was acting. Maybe it was that Dee knew Ruby didn't know what Ami'd been about to do.

Maybe it was just the hull, the scrape of her heels against rusting steel and the way one voice reverberated off the walls.

Dee felt like she was supposed to say something. She didn't. Let it play out a bit longer.